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09 July 2009 @ 08:13 pm
Weddings are a modern day instrument of torture.  If the government were requiring attendance at these things, they'd be sued in a class action for inhuman treatment and violations of civil rights.  Really?  Want a terrorist to talk?  Force them to endure a wedding.  I really think these are designed to pay back every single person you've ever known for the torture they put you through when you attended/participated in their wedding.  Only problem with that?   Likely, after that amount of torture?  You are not talking to them any more, and now you are just torturing defenseless outsiders.  But I am not bitter.   I'm going to go eat some of my new all organic disturbingly delicious chocolate. 
 
 
08 July 2009 @ 08:21 pm
I know you can.  You can do it.
Oh.  Ooohhhh.  OOooohhhhhhhppppe.  Nope.  You can't. 
Fail.
You failed.
It was the merge test, and... fail.
Let's go back through the rules.
[ insert here - Put.  Your.  Signal.  On. ]
Get up to, The.  Speed.  Of.  Traffic.  Do not go 80 MPH when traffic is going 40 MPH.  Do not stop.  Stopping is the opposite of merging.  It won't work.  Ever.
PUT YOUR SIGNAL ON.   I'm going to go back and make this rule number one in addition to rule three.
Do not stop.
Take turns with the cars already on the road.

That's pretty much it.  It's pretty fail safe.  Oh, wait.  I forgot.  You just failed. 
 
 
05 July 2009 @ 07:05 pm

I am also worried that said dog has escaped from his baby-gated haven in the bathroom which is the only place he can really do no harm.  At least he can do no harm if you put up anything that can even remotely be chewed or clawed into a different form.  Like small pieces of plastic (don't leave a water glass on the counter) or toilet paper (the counter is not high enough, put it up on the above the toilet cabinet, and while you are at it?  Do not leave the lid up on the toilet.  And do not think that just because he is only about 4 inches high, that anything in the tub is safe.  DO.  NOT.  Leave anything on the ledges of the tub.  Do not leave anything on the built in shelves in the shower wall.  All items must go up in the over the shower-head hanger or they are also in danger.  And yet?  This morning?  He figured out how to escape the baby gate that closes him in the bathroom.  I actually just went back to peek in the windows.  (If I get arrested, do you think the officer will believe I just wanted to be sure the dog was not destroying the house?)  I was trying to see if there was a happy doggy face up on the back of the chair looking out the window to bark at people walking past.  I unfortunately closed the blinds a little bit too well, but I looked really hard and did not see anything.  I'm really just crossing my fingers that when the owners get home 4 hours or so from now, that he is still caged where he should be located, and where he can do as little house damage as possible.  You should cross your fingers as well.  He is evil genius smart, and far more determined that most professional athletes.  He is likely out the baby gate and has managed to work his way through the back door and is running around the neighborhood.  *sigh*  Probably not, but I'm still worried about it.

Regardless.  I've done all the damage I can do.  Must go shower.  I smell like dog,  And it has been blistering hot.  I also smell like stinky sweaty sunburned skin.  Yes.  I look just that attractive tonight, too.  Though I think I have a few more blond streaks in my hair than I did when I started this weekend.  I know I have far more freckles than I started with this weekend.

 


 
 
04 July 2009 @ 02:11 pm

I am dog sitting again.  I just cannot get enough of a hobby where any time I come home, someone is soooooOOOOooooo excited to see me that they run laps around the house, their entire body wiggles, and all they want to do is kiss me.  How can you beat that?  

That being said, dogs are exceptionally challenging in their own ways.  The current one has a pooping neurosis - undiagnosed, but there all the same.  We walk his way because he has a route that can not vary, or the skies start falling (did I mention he has OCD, as well?), he finds a nice patch of grass.  Circles, circles, circles.  I know what's coming at this point, but there is not determining when.  We step three feet to the right. 

Dog's mind?  Someone could see me there.  Even when I turn my back?  They're still watching.

Circles.  Circles.  Circles.  OK.  I'm still waiting.  I know what's coming. 

Dog?  Maybe if I turn this way. Nah.  Maybe that-a-way.  Nah.  Hmmmmm... I someone over their.  OH!  Bird.  MUST GO CHASE! 

And that puts an end to the circling/it's coming phase, as the distraction prevents anything, so we go home.  And we sit and whine.  Well, "We" don't sit and whine, someone who shall remain nameless does.  So we go, "outside."  And find the back yard has all the same disadvantages as the nearby houses.  Circles.  Circles.  Circles. 

Nah.  Someone is up there in that church next door.  Can't go.  Shy. Kibbles and bits, kibbles and bits.  I'm gonna get me some kibbles and bits.

Back into the house to repeat the same thing several times.  Until our next walk.  When I'm really hoping the birds will have all gone down to the park to eat all the leftovers that people are leaving lying around on the tables and ground.  Cross your fingers for me.  Someone has gas.  Really.  It's coming. 

And if I just kennel him and walk to the grocery store?  When I get back a half hour later?  I'll get the whole lapping the house, entire body wiggling, must sit in your lap and give you kisses routine again.  Like I'd been gone for a month or something.  I'm liking this.  I really am. 

 
 
04 July 2009 @ 08:55 am
Whatever form that might take...









Love those rabbit ears. 
 
 
03 July 2009 @ 08:38 pm

I'm really amazed.  Crystal Light has a challenge going on this summer.  You can read about it here. I would never have looked for anything like this, but somehow I noticed the adds in a magazine I was reading.  Mainly women talking about how great it felt to be drinking more water, and how they could give up soda if they had something to replace it with, and just raving in general about all the water they were now drinking.  All of full of the chemically altered crystal light products.  Are you serious?  Water?  And you think Crystal Light counts?  It's better than something caffeinated, but it is still full of chemical coloring and artificial sweeteners.  Not water.  The object of water is to get water, not sweeteners and chemicals.  I know everyone needs a way to advertise, but...  *sigh*  I give.  If you really want to believe that is water?  Go for it.  Just go.  And, don't get me wrong.  I really enjoy crystal light from time to time, but I most definitely do not consider it water.  Sheesh.  I should just go to my room now.  I need to think positive thoughts and make some positive choices.  I'm going now.  

Go drink your water.  Especially if it's not soda.

 
 
30 June 2009 @ 05:23 am

Does it totally defeat the purpose of your "healthy" all fruit and yogurt smoothie if you add diet mountain dew to make it just a little sweeter?

*nodding*

I was afraid of that. 

 
 
29 June 2009 @ 07:34 pm
So I was out on my walk/jog this morning, feeling pretty good, when I noticed this car.

It was driving along taking the corners just perfect, so I could keep walk/jogging without getting in its way, or it in mine while crossing the multi-corner cross walk where I met it.  Normally, I would not have noticed this car, but it was a nice car.  One of those cars that is so nice it makes me hot for cars.  I am the ultimate a-car-is-a-means-to-get-from-Point-A-to-Point-B person, so frustratingly so that from time to time one male friend will turn me loose in the parking garage and say, "find my car" because he knows I can't do it.  I have no idea what he drives, other than I think it is a Honda, or maybe a Toyota, and it has a thingy on the window to hold his GPS, and a little floaty ball thingy that shows the compass directions.  I finally memorized his license plate number, so that I can occasionally find the car.  I don't care what people drive.  But this car?  Black, small, sharp and hot.  Very hot, and driving just perfectly, so I'm not holding it up at corners and it's not holding me up at the multi-corner cross walks.  In Seattle?  No one drives like that, even if they have a totally boring mom-mo-bile car, they muck up the driving thing so badly that pedestrians can't walk without fear of being hit, even if they (car and pedestrian) are the only two items on the road in the pre-six A.M. time period.  Hot car?  Good driver?  The walk/jog is feeling good? It is a perfect morning.  It's almost as good as seeing a tall man in full leathers on a big black Ducati.  Almost that good, and then I notice the car is just stopped, and I'm afraid it's going to turn in front of me and block my cross walk, but the street is one way the other way, so that's not possible, then I cross and the car finally moves just in time for me to cut back across it's path and...  did I mention how hot this car is?  Black.  Sweet.  Just gorgeous.  I want one of those.  ... I realize the driver is staring at me, and all I can think is, "He's totally checking me out."

"Well, that or he's a doctor or physical therapist and wants to stop and tell me my form is so bad that I'm damaging all my major muscle groups and joints."  

*sigh*

I'm sure he was totally checking me out.  *snort* Even if it was only with shock that anyone's form could be that damaging to the human body.  *snort*  *chortle*  *tee-hee*

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha!

As Winnie the Pooh would say, "Think.  Think.  Think."  

Damn that car was hot.  I really want one of those.

 
 
28 June 2009 @ 11:24 am
My weekend...

Saturday morning.
Walk/jog Green Lake.
Straight to grocery store.
Clerk:  Are you always out and about this early?
Me:  Yes.
It was almost nine-o-clock.  It wasn't that early.  That is also apparently a conversation stopper, but she finally recovered after I added:

Me: The thought of walking in here around 11:30 on a Saturday morning gives me hives.  The lines are long when you walk in the door. 
Clerk:  Ye-ah.  And those people that took an hour doing their shopping think I should have everything done in a snap.

Really not a job I'd enjoy.
Home to shower.
Hit gas station for my favorite drink. 
Clerk ignores me to text message. Thank you.
Finally get rung up.
Clerk:  I've never said this, but you smell like the beach.
Me:  Beach?
Clerk:  Yeah.
Me:  I dunno.  I didn't do anything.  I'd tell you if I knew what it was.
Clerk.  Just smell like the beach.
Me:  I hope that's a good smell.
Clerk:  Oh, yeah!  It's good. 

Oh.  My word.  Another job I'd not like to have.  I think he is probably still sitting there texting.  I am still laughing.  And that was all before 10:00 a.m. Saturday morning.  A weekend that starts out that interesting just gets better.
 

 
 
26 June 2009 @ 05:39 pm

At my office building...

Escalator Safety by you.

I violate numbers 2 and 5 regularly.

ARREST ME!  Quick! 

 
 
24 June 2009 @ 07:54 pm

I have enough to last me for a while.
No more stress deposits needed in my life.
Work?  Check.
Personal? Double check - friends, home, dating (technically, not dating).  OK - triple check on personal.
Family?  Check.  Always stress bombs there.
Work?  Yes.  Check that one again.  First one is just general excess amounts of deadline driven work, second one for economy reasons.
Financial?  Yep.  I can check that one off, too.
Health?  Check.
Retirement worries?  Check.  Again.

I've got them all.  No more stress deposits needed for a while.  I'm no longer taking those.  You will have to find someone else that needs them.  I've got a full plate... I've got a several plates full of stress deposits to work through.  You can share them with someone else for just a few weeks.  Then maybe I'll be ready again.

Done for now, thanks.

 
 
20 June 2009 @ 09:20 pm
The lighting and angles may leave a lot to be desired, but it is just absolutely fascinating to watch this plant grow.  Well above and beyond the fact that it is alive a year later and plants dislike me so much that they start to droop just hearing my name and I am convinced this thing is plastic and uses computer generated growth, this is fascinating.  I didn't know plastic could grow, but here you have it. 

Fascinating.

Plant 1

Plant 2

Plant 3

Plant 5

Plant 10

Plant 6

Plant 9

This one is that leaf in the top right.  I feel like I'm raising it right somehow.  Even if it is computer generated plastic growth.  It only had about 5 leaves when I got it.  I'm a proud parent on this one. 

Whole Plant 2

 
 
20 June 2009 @ 01:12 pm
And I am absolutely no better than the last time I played.
In a softball game played by my standards?
1.  A pop fly that lands directly on the inner forearm and the careens off into the other side's dugout, would count as a full catch.  Batter out.
2.  A ball thrown from FAR left field as you stand on third base to (hopefully) catch it and tag the runner that then hits you on the inside of the leg just below the knee and ricochets directly toward the catcher, would count as a tag.  Runner out.
3.  Any ball caught with the shin while playing catcher, counts as a strike. 
4.  Any ball caught with the shin while playing catcher that also leaves a bruise, not only counts as a strike, but counts as one point toward my team's total runs.
5.  If a ball rolls past you as you dart in the direction it is going because the ball is moving far faster than you can ever hope to move without the aid of a motorized vehicle, it counts as a re-do.  Nothing in a game should move that fast.  If it is moving that fast, it should be on a roller coaster.
6.  If the guys on your team tell you how to play the same position three times because you have done the exact same play incorrectly for three batters in a row, you are allowed to sit the bench and relax for the rest of the outfield plays.  
7.  If the captain has to explain the difference between right and left field, you get to play in the sandbox until the game is over.
8.  If you cannot clear the mud off of home base, the game is over.
9.  If you get mud on your pants, the game is over.
10.  If you make any play that leaves a rash mark (falling down in the outfield, getting zinged by the ball, slipping the bat the wrong way, kicking the fence too hard), while at bat - counts as a home run, while on the fielding - counts as an out against the other team.
11.  Last, but far from least, if you break a nail, someone else gets hurt.
 
 
18 June 2009 @ 07:00 pm
Have you ever notice how quickly your life goes out-of-whack with visitors?  Can't eat right, can't sleep right, can't exercise right.  And trust me, the Can't Exercise Right is a Problem with a capital P (Hmmmm... do I go google my gramar rules to see if that is the correct capital - as opposed to capitol?  Nah.  Not tonight).  My attitude goes downhill.  I am almost unbearable.  Though I'm finding more and more of my family and friend survive on Prozac.  I'm thinking it might be worth a shot.  Though most of them drink, too, and that's not a happening idea for me.  *sigh*  Eh.  I'll keep up with the exercise for attitude program.  It works most of the time. 

Today?  Back to Tea.  No more diet dew.  Back to no sugars or refined flours (sort of, if you don't count the cupcake and almond M&Ms today).  Back to exercising.  I bet tomorrow I can even wake up early enough to exercise in the morning.  I'd better, or my attitude improvement may not last through the double-header softball game I swore I'd play. 
 
 
16 June 2009 @ 09:24 pm
Passive-Aggressive Road Rage is not only possible, I just performed it.  Though it is not nearly as satisfying in the dark when Stupid Driver finally figures out how to get around my passively aggressive blocking driving and cannot see me flip them off and recognize that I am not Stupid Driver, but Deliberate Antagonizer inspired by their driving stupidity.  Though I think it is possible flipping them off would take the passive right out of the passive-aggressive.  Maybe.  Most days I'd just really wish there was a law in place allowing you to hit drivers for doing those somewhat illegal, but definitely insanely discourteous and dangerous things they do.  I'd be happier fully indulging in my Road Rage.  Though I do take great satisfaction in my passive-aggressive road rage.  It is a talent that not everyone can master. 
 
 
10 June 2009 @ 07:28 pm
All of the paint would have been steamed off of the walls at work, and the woman next to me would be wandering around saying, "what?", "Huh?!" due to the deafening shriek of the whistling that would have been coming out of all orifices of my body.

It's just a darn good thing.  Not to mention, can you imagine if you gave off that much of a signal in general life?  You'd totally blow the cool cover any time someone stupid walked in your vicinity. 

I'm just glad the paint is still on the walls at the office and my neighbor can still hear me talking. 

Tomorrow is a better day waiting to happen.

 
 
03 June 2009 @ 07:49 pm
Eighty-one degrees in my house tonight.  It's gone progressively upward this week.  Night one, seventy-one; night two, seventy-four; night three, seventy-nine, which I then bumped up to eighty by doing some ill-advised baking for a birthday gift.  Tonight?  Eighty-one degrees on arriving home, and not going downward at all.  *sigh*  Not sure it is worth going to bed.  Maybe if I could couch out in the freezer...  Cooler temps coming by Saturday.  Though I don't know if I should believe them.  As of Tuesday (yesterday), they were still telling me it was going to rain tomorrow, and now they've taken that back and made it a sunny, record-breaking possible ninety degrees.  Bastards.  I want my rainy pacific northwest back. 
 
 
30 May 2009 @ 07:02 pm
So I've done quite a bit of nutrition reading lately, and a lot of it says to eat fruits instead of sugary sweets.  You get the sweet and sugar, but you get added water and fiber, both of which should help fill you up.  Same thing with most anything you eat.  Get the high fiber, less refined option.  At first, I would not believe a word of it, as I've never found that eating a piece of fruit filled me up or made me stop craving some sweet sugary treat.  But, as I've slowly switched my eating habits (and you can take "slowly switched my eating habits" as a euphemism for "eats perfectly healthy all full grain, fruit, veggie, egg-white cheese, nothing that you cannot pronounce, or that your great grandparents would not recognize for about three days and then caves like a crack addict needing a fix of something including sugar, grease, refined flours and probably potatoes- preferably fried in the grease"), I have found a whole grain bread that has 6 grams of fiber per slice.  It took me a while to notice, but when I'd eat my usual 2 sandwiches - because who can eat only one?  I would end up about half an hour later sitting somewhere thinking something like, "Oh.  Dear.  Lord.  I am so full I could heave."  Since I never get full, I am biologically engineered to be able to eat more food than your average Sumo Wrestler and professional football player combined before I even begin to feel full, this was a shocking and awe-inspiring revelation.  I'm trying really hard to switch to full fiber everything, cut the high-fructose corn syrup and sugar, and stay away from fried or refined in any way.  But let me warn you.

Error number 1?  Deciding I must bake cookies, so that I could eat a small spoonful of cookie dough to staunch my sugar craving.

Error number 2?  Deciding to use %100 whole wheat flour, upon realizing I was getting low on white flour and realizing that I still have not touched the whole wheat flour I bought to use experimentally in my baked goods.

Error number 3?  Ignoring the whole wheat flour bag's clear instructions to use half white, half whole wheat flour.

Error number 4?  Eating the dough.

Error number 5?  Taste-testing warm 100% whole wheat cookies, mostly warm 100% whole wheat cookies, almost cool 100% whole wheat cookies, and cool 100% whole wheat cookies.

I am currently very full of fiber that is swelling with the addition of a couple glasses of milk, and a couple glasses of water.  I am so full I'm going to be lucky if I can roll myself out to my car to go pick up the friend I promised a ride to the airport. 

My only saving grace right now is that the cookies actually do taste OK.  The dough is better, as always, but I think if I just add a little more vanilla (difficult as I measure using the "Dump, ye-ah that looks good" method), and probably add some cinnamon, and I think they will actually be delicious.  Though I may have to warn people not to drink any fluids with the cookies to avoid the internal swelling currently on-going in my system. 
 
 
25 May 2009 @ 07:26 pm
I'm old enough, and eat enough bread, that you would think I'd check the last few slices before just chomping in.  It's been years since I had bread mold though.  I grabbed that piece and slapped everything on it and ate.   And then realized there was kind of a musty aftertaste to the first bite.  *GULP*  So I went and checked the last piece.  It had one tiny, itsy bitsy, tiny weeny (YELLOW POLK-A-DOT BIKINI), dinky, teensy spot of mold.  *GULP*  I carefully scanned the entire slice of bread currently in my hand.  Nothing.  Anywhere.  But I just could not finish it.  Couldn't.  It went in the food composting container.  Since I've lived through the experience, I feel safe telling you about it.  Apparently mold is OK.  Though I would not recommend trying that at home.  In fact, I suggest just looking at your bread as you pull it out of the bag prior to eating it.  

Speaking of bread, can I just say there is nothing that tastes quite as good as a tomato sandwich?  Nothing.  It's sort of like a BLT, only no B or L, and add some C.  Add some P, too, if you're someone that likes the P on burgers or in sandwiches.  There is just something about the T that pulls it all together with the M.  It's just a heavenly sensation in your mouth, and how can you go wrong with nothing but veggies, a bit of M and some dairy on a sandwich.  Use 100% whole wheat bread?  It's almost health food.  Exploding in a flavor sensation all over your tongue.  *sigh*  So deliciously good, it has to be evil.

Speaking of tomatoes, have I mentioned that I'm plant/house sitting?  I didn't realize when I agreed that it involved an entire garden.  Though I did tell the couple (after I agreed, but well before they were locked into my assistance) that I have the ultimate brown thumb, in fact, have killed cacti.  Yes, I have killed cactus in plural.  So I am plant sitting an entire garden.  That is totally fine with me, as most of the stuff is doing pretty darn good, and it is so exciting to watch it all sprout like crazy.  Especially the peas.  I'm pretty sure they didn't really plant peas, but planted weeds instead - they are growing that well.  But the tomatoes?  The bottom leaves are turning yellow and getting spots and holes.  I've been researching, and I think they have Early Blight.  I think I have given the tomatoes Early Blight.  *sigh*  One tomato plant is up above on a patio and doing really well.  The other 10-12?  Not doing so well.   I think I need to go eat another TCPM sandwich and mourn those tomatoes that may never arrive. 
 
 
25 May 2009 @ 07:07 pm
Again.

I should know better with Seattle roads, but I was in the wrong lane.  There was a hUGe line of traffic in the correct lane.  I was sure that if I just went straight, there had to be some way to get turned right and down to that location that everyone in the correct lane was trying to get to, right?

Wrong.

I was just in the wrong lane.  I ended up on a private road, then in an apartment complex parking lot, then following an arterial to the wrong side of the interstate.  

Proved myself wrong.  Seattle streets are just wrong.