To Be Announced

Wrap Rage

2009-12-16T04:35:11Z

Don't worry. You are not alone. There are millions of people suffering Wrap Rage. That unsustainable, and somewhat unexplainable anger brought on by a frustration of attempting to open a factory sealed package. It's such a phenomenon that it has made Wikepidia. In fact, according to some reports? Nearly 20% of all people have either been injured badly enough to require care (at least once, some twice), or know of someone that has been injured that badly.

But don't worry! Amazon is ready to save us all. It has announced an initiative to introduce "frustration-free packaging" for all of its products. Soon (or in years and years, if their multiyear initiative is some indication), you will no longer be forced to endure the embarrassment of having a package you cannot open.

In the meantime? John Tesh Radio has several suggestions, including use scissors - not knives. No knives. And, do not cut toward yourself. My dad instilled the don't cut toward yourself rule in me after, at age 3, I was slicing a piece of rope in two (toward myself, of course) and instead sliced my lip open and ended up at an emergency room. Yes, I was a little precocious - and somewhat unsupervised - that day. I was also cutting toward myself and not away. Do. Not. Cut. Toward. Yourself. Always cut away. I have a scar on my lip to help me remember. I'll be happy to send you a photos of what can happen if you need a personal reminder.

Another good bit of John Tesh Radio advice is to give yourself lots and lots of room. Actually, the rule could probably more realistically be said as give everyone else lots of room. If you are going to take a sharp object to a recalcitrant package? Don't stand near anyone. You are very likely to damage the other person with a slip and slide in their direction. Just stay away from other people when you are not only angry, but holding a sharp object in your hand. This bit of advice should actually be applied even if you are not opening difficult packages. If you are angry and have a sharp object in your hand? Just avoid people. It will save you much trouble in the long run.

The last bit of John Tesh advice? Don't use your armpit/clamped legs to hold the item while you try and open it. This bit of advice is very reminiscent of the McDonald's coffee case, except you won't have heat, you'll have a sharp object that you picked up of your own volition. Nuff said. Don't be that silly. Just don't.

Avoid the emergency room this holiday season. But, if you don't? Know that you are not alone. Don't hide it. There are plenty of us out there slowly going red in the face and throwing things.

Must be 18 to buy coffee?

2009-12-15T04:32:28Z

Seems that it is possible in some places. A recently passed law makes it adult entertainment to have "bikini" baristas. Don't go there. Just don't go there.

Nope. I'm not in Iowa any more, Toto. I'm in the big bad city.

I saw mommy kissing SaaAAAAAantaaaa Clause

2009-12-15T04:25:36Z

Underneath the mistletoe last niiiiIIIIiiiiiight...

Just don't take a picture of it. As this article attests, taking a photo of Santa Clause can get you arrested. At least in South Carolina.

Seriously. Arrested for photos of a Santa. In a mall. Set up to be photographed.

BrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

2009-12-08T04:31:46Z

It is ridiculously cold for the SeaTown area. It was in the 20's when I woke up this morning, around 30 while I was walking home, and it is supposed to be down around 16 before the morning hits. Now, I know this is not a killer cold winter for most people living in mid-land US where it really gets cold in the North, but I'm near the water in a coastal area that shouldn't get below 40. I'm cold. I currently have the heat turned on (though I should not complain, this is the first time all season) and three layers of clothing.

WIMP! WHINER! Go sit in a corner until your attitude improves!

*sigh* My computer is locked here. I'll be in the corner. Catch you another day.

A little bit different

2009-11-28T03:54:44Z

I live in a world of people who all want to sleep late.

I? On the other hand, do much better if I get my sleep by going to bed early.

*sigh*

I have always been a little bit different.

Doctor

2009-11-27T17:42:17Z

Reasons to love your doctor. Sense of humor.

Go in for a minor medical procedure that has possibilities (unlikely) of puncturing you.

Tell the doctor, I just donated blood, so now would be a bad time to puncture anything and cause me more blood loss.

Doctor's response? Eh. Those don't bleed much if it happens, soo...

Nice. It's like dealing with my dad.

You want to cry? I'll give you a REASON to cry.

I really like my doctor.

Cited for singing McDonald's Order

2009-11-20T03:28:42Z

Tell me no. Just tell me no.
You can't. Because the answer is, yes. It happened it really happened.
A teenager in Utah got a ticket for singing (rapping) his McDonald's order. They didn't even give him the food, man...
If you're going to sick the cops on him and give him a ticket, at least give him his food!

La La La La La La La La La

2009-11-18T06:26:45Z

I just don't want to know. I really don't want to know. I don't know why you told me. I don't want to know.

CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!!???

I really don't need to know. I definitely do not want to know.

As long as we are clear.

Don't tell me.

THat's why I almost never say what I'm thinking

2009-11-12T04:31:10Z

Barista talking to customer: You look like an Americano

I didn't really hear the rest of that conversation, but it ended with the Barista saying, "I'm usually wrong. That's why I almost never say what I'm thinking."

WHEW! I almost never say what I'm really thinking either, but it is usually because I'm afraid of getting fired or offending three-quarters of a room full of people. Not because I'm going to mis-guess what someone will order. Though I'm frequently wrong, too. I mostly censor my tongue for reasons of job security or not being tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail.

Defect in cell phone calculators

2009-10-28T13:38:54Z

I just discovered a defect in my cell phone calculator. I'm looking for a kitchen table. There is one that is pretty close to exactly what I want.  It is 42 inches by 42 inches, which is slightly too big for the space, but might be workable if I can turn it at an angle (a/k/a kattywumpus). I know that sounds senseless since the kattywumpus angle is going to be bigger than the already slightly too large size, but roll with it. It's a situation of it could be pushed toan unusable state and turned kattywumpus when needed, pending the length of the corner to corner measurement. I need to know the length diagonally from corner to corner of the table. The table is not in my house, so I can't physically measure it, but A squared, plus B squared, equals C squared. Every one knows that, and I have a calculate or my cell phone. This will be simple. Right?

Not right. The cell phone calculator does not have a square root function.  I have A squared added to B squared, but now I'm stuck. If I were more mathematically inclined, I could probably make a good guess on the square root of 3528, but I'm not. I've reached my limits. Well. Give me a minute.

6X6 is 36, right?  6 is the square root of 36. So the square root of 3528 has to be just under 60 inches.
57 is wrong
59 is also wrong
59.2 is not quite right either, but closer
59.4 is .36 too big, but that is close enough to count.

*sigh* This is a totally defect in cell phone calculators. I need the square root function. We all need the square root function. How are we supposed to decorate our homes sans the square root function?

I'm going to write the company.

Maybe.

Laptops in cockpit

2009-10-27T13:30:42Z

I can't even talk on my cell phone when I am stuck to the ground in a car, but pilots can use laptops while driving a plane?

Seriously? Nothing to keep people afloat, but the random scientific theories of shape and speed and air lift, and they can be fooling around on their laptops?

I demand a re-vote.

Wrong number

2009-10-24T16:17:58Z

It was a wrong number. I swear. Just a wrong number. It happens. People dial them all them time. If you dial a number, it will be wrong sometimes. If it just happens to be a cell phone, it does not mean I still wanted to call you. It still means someone dialed a wrong number. It I dialed a wrong number, I am sure you do not recognize my number. You do not need to return call my number multiple times. If I actually wanted to talk to you, I would have left a message. That's how this works. If I call you and don't know you and don't leave a message? I don't want to talk to you. I dialed a wrong number. Please do not return my wrong number call, that means you are dialing a wrong number. It becomes a vicious circle. Wrong number. Wrong number. Wrong number. Wrong number. Just a wrong number. Stop calling me!

Strange

2009-10-19T04:51:26Z

Life is so strange. So very very very very strange.

Enjoy. It just gets stranger.

Why are you awake?!?

2009-10-15T10:30:54Z

Why am I awake you ask?
That's a darn good question. I don't have the answer. I'm not sleepy. Wasn't when I went to bed. After getting up at my usual 5:30ish. Working busily all day. Calming the secretary next to me because she was swamped. Swamped in a way you only get when covering for someone who is out of the office. Working. Working. Working. Walked home, which was really nice. Very relaxing. Made dinner. Did a little grocery shopping. Needed fruit. Made cinnamon rolls (the raw version). Emailed the people I'm seeing this weekend to warn them I could be contagious as the swine flu has started its way around our office. (Would feel guilty if I did not warn them, and they got sick, though I don't feel sick.)
Why am I awake?
Dunno. Can't sleep. Tried Tylenol - it drops your temperature, which mimics what happens as you go to sleep normally and will frequently knock you out. Tried reading. Slept, sort of, for a while. Now? 3:00 a.m. Or 3:30, it's been a while since I gave up and got up. Wide awake, with an alarm set to go off at 5:00 am, which I will probably snooze as usual till closer to 5:30.
Why not just set the alarm for 5:30 you ask?
Because then I would snooze it until 6:00 am-ish and would not get my work out in.
Why not set the alarm for 6, you ask?
I'd snooze it until 6:30 am-ish and not get ready in time to take the bus.
Why bus and not just drive you ask?
I love you. That's is exactly what I ask every day, but if I drive, parking is very very very expensive. I know I should do the eco-friendly green thing, but if my employer would pay for parking? I'd drive every single stinkin' day. My commitment to green is not as strong as my love of driving and the convenience.
*sigh*
I really like to drive.
I should finish unpacking. Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Hurts too bad to shave

2009-10-08T04:45:31Z

I've discovered new levels of football hurt. It was all accidental. Contact at football is pretty well regulated in our flag football league. But this weekend? The accidental threw me around a little. It was truly accidental. He was running toward me from the side, I was running away. His leg stepped forward in front of my back leg, and when I went to move? I went crashing down. What I remembers is rolling over my right shoulder. What had me limping when I stood up was my right knee with the bruise under the knee beside the shin and the jiggley feeling knee cap. What had me screaming in pain the next morning was the left shoulder where everything that had stretched out? Had tightened up and out of place. LOL.

I've discovered today? That the knee is tender enough that I don't have any desire to shave my legs. In fact, may have to avoid that spot far longer than expected. I did find that I can still jog though. That means it's not bad at all, right?

Who cares if I can shave if I can still jog? Oy. This is Seattle. People may get the wrong idea.

I'm going to go shave. Now.

I just want out!

2009-10-06T03:01:44Z

I took a turn that followed a trail I thought would take me to an easy route home. It turned out that it was one of those typical SeaTown type roads that while it goes directly past what you want? Is completely separated from what you want by an overpass, or an underpass, or a median, or a bike trail, or just about anything that could prevent you from taking a right hand turn on to the road you want. Knowing the road I was on, I knew that if I could not take the first street I wanted, I needed to be in the left lane, drive through a mall parking lot, and out the other side to get up my second choice of raod because the road I was on, while it went directly past the road I wanted , was completely separated from it… by an overpass. Since I was in the right hand lane, I knew my next “known” option was to go all the way down to the water and take a right and go all the way down to that common north bound street I’ve taken many times and take another right and go a-l-l-l-l-l-l-l the way back up to the street I originally wanted to take from the street I thought would be an easy route home.

Well… Now that seemed just a little excessive to me, so I followed that car right ahead of the that appeared to know exactly where it was going. Do you know where it was going? Hell, no, you don’t know where it was going, because it didn’t really know where it was going. I ended up in the right hand turn lane of a road with heavy pedestrian traffic, unable to go straight because I was in that right hand turn lane, so I turned right 7:32 later when the pedestrians finally strung out far enough apart that I could bold my car between them, and ended up in a parking garage that had no easy exit other than driving around in circles to get me back out to the same heavy pedestrian traffic corner. So I took the right that would have been a straight if I’d been in the non-right turn lane the first time in the intersection, and found myself deep, deep, deep in the interior of a local university with massive numbers of crosswalks with young college students who don’t signal they intend to walk, but still expect you will psychically intuit that they will turn 180 degrees and be in the road in front of your car, and, will expect you to be stopped by the time they turn from having their back to you to having their front to you. That road circled and stopped and turned and slowed, and then the buses started coming around the corners at me, so I had to stop far back from the stop sign to allow the bus to get through the intersection (think massive semi truck/trailer and you’ll understand why I had to stop well back from the intersection). So I turned and circled and stopped and waited and backed up and turned and circled and stopped and waited, all for what I was positive would be short cut, so I could get home without going all the way down to the water, and eventually ended up clear the hell down on that road by the water.

I was not pleased with that decision. Next time you hear me say “follow that car, it looks like it knows where it is going”, run like hell. Do anything to get out of the car. Quickly. Immediately. Do not stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Just get out.

Fire?

2009-10-05T02:42:07Z

There I was at the gas station, just filling my gas tank when I was mind numbingly reading the sign while waiting for my gas tank to fill.

Can read that? If a fire starts, do not remove the nozel.

Run like hell. That is all I can say. Who thinks these things up?

AAAAaaaaAAAAAACK!

2009-09-23T13:09:32Z

What is it about being covered in spider web unexpectedly?

It's not because you are covered in spider web. It is entirely about the fact that you might have one tiny little bit of spider on you somewhere. GAH!

Fall/Spring? I love fall, but what is up with the terms? How did we arrive at those? Why not tumble and jump? Decline and incline? Surrender and Slinky? Something. Anything. Eh. Guess we're keeping Fall and Spring,

Got nervous

2009-09-18T06:50:21Z

Got final time to sign papers.
Got nervous.
Ate chocolate.
The entire bar.
Now?
Wide awake from caffeine in chocolate.
Wondering...
How did I manage?
Less than 3 months ago,
I was still drinking diet dew
Daily
In 2-liter amounts
And sleeping like a baby.
Seriously?
High off a chocolate bar.
No longer nervous
Still stressing
Happy I'm off work in the morning
No need to get up at 5:00 am
Got nervous
Got chocolate
Still paying for it

Spare water heater?

2009-09-16T03:40:33Z

Doesn't everyone?

I went downstairs to drop a load of towels in the wash tonight, only to find that the water heater was spewing hot water out the side panel and it was running across the floor of the basement. I quickly called my landlord to let him know, and then immediately got on the phone to find a friend who would let me stay the night so I could shower in the morning. I am cranky without certain things, and showering daily ranks really high up on that list of things. The landlord said he'd be there in a few minutes, and since he lives about 10 minutes from me I was expecting 15 tops. About 40 minutes later, I heard a lot of banging in the driveway and went out to find my landlord. With a water heater. Standing in my driveway. At 7:30 on a Tuesday night.

He just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders a little and said, "Doesn't everyone have a spare water heater?"

No, not everyone. Only the people I know.

I almost feel normal.

Awake at 4:00 am

2009-09-14T02:59:20Z

Now if I were a typical single person, I'd have some exciting story about a night out on the town just being fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-ar too good to go home. Me on the other hand? I was talking to a cop in my alley.

Sleeping well after along week at work, an evening picking up a friend at the airport and a couple different happy hours, tired enough that I remembered to brush my teeth after I crawled in to bed, and still did not get up and go brush them, I start hearing something at about 3:30 am. Neighbors car alarm. Wheep, wheep, wheep. Off. Good. Wheep, wheep, wheep, wheep! Off. OK. Good. Wheep, wheep, wheep. Off. OK. Good. Sonofabisquit... here it goes again. Wheep, wheep, wheep, wheep. Off. I'm thinking by this point, if you're going to have after bar sex, take the key fob out of the seat of your pants, and if you figured out how to shut it off the first time? Throw the thing far enough away that you won't rock on it. Sheesh!

Finally it's done and I roll over to get some sleep since I have to be up at 5:30 to go hiking with a friend, and the next thing I know I'm hearing multiple sharp cracking sounds, rapid fire pace. Crap. Crap. Crap. Please tell me you are kidding. There cannot be a crime scene investigation at my house this morning because I need to leave at 6:30 and go pick up my friend. After mulling over the ways I can convince cops at a crime scene to let me leave and pondering whether or not my friend can borrow a car to pick me up and being determined to not go look, I got up and was standing on my back steps when the cop car came trolling down the back alley with that bright light shining on all the houses, and directly on me. He stepped out of his car and wandered up to my fence to ask me where the smoke was coming from. Next door, up front, you need to go around the fence or you can't get to it. I can hear mumbling from two people over there about "this unfortunate incident." I think he asked me more, but I was far too tired to remember what even I said.

I think they were setting off fire-works. A little before 4:00 a.m.

Bad neighbors. Definition of bad neighbors.

Knots

2009-09-08T05:35:27Z

What is it with grocery store checkers that feel they must knot your bags?

I have literally stopped shopping at a grocery store before for this problem. I happened to get a clerk regularly who would knot the bags full of heavy 2-liter bottles. By the time I got them in the door, my hands were claws from trying to insert my fingers in the tiny little loops that were left after he tied them, and the knots were so tight I had to cut the bags open to get them bottles out. One day, I finally caught him before knotting, and asked him to please leave them open because it hurt my hands, and got an instant snotty reply with "you just pick them up like this." With a little eye rolling and snorting behind the commentary. Now this was not a teenager I was talking to, it was a 40ish year old man. I went to stores I liked better after that with staff that was at least normal grocery store rude and not egocentric man will always be right rude.

Today? After taking years to finally realized that I did not need to tie those little produce bags shut because the food stays in them anyway, and if I don't tie them shut, I can re-use them for many other things, I walked up to the check stand with my produce bags proudly untied. Only to realize as I was paying and running my store card, that the clerk was carefully knotting each one of the produce bags shut before dropping them into the grocery bags. Oh. My. Word. She was too sweet for me to say anything about it - today at least.

What is the compulsion to tie knots? HANG LOOSE PEOPLE!

Why mom and I will likely never be best friends

2009-09-03T05:42:02Z

It's our different view of the world, but entirely similar view of responsibility.

She thinks anything wrong/bad in her life is all my fault and my responsibility to change it.

I think anything wrong/bad in my life is all my fault and my responsibility to change it.

And that is what makes the world go 'round. LOL. I'm glad I finally figured it out.

Home sweet home

2009-09-02T12:45:55Z

I did my usual early jog/walk this morning. As I was walking the last couple minutes, I was just thinking and walking and thinking and walking. I was looking at the really cool rock wall beside the sidewalk, a really tall retaining wall, when I realized? It was the wall south of my house. I thought myself into walking right past my house.

Crap. I wonder what I'm going to do at work today.

Must sleep more tonight.

New neighbor?

2009-09-01T04:46:46Z

Must start closing the blinds...

Seriously creepy looking in my window.